It’s Going to be OK

I lost my job yesterday.

Without providing details of why and what made them fire me, basically it was over a private but official document that was doctored by someone else but not me. Yet I was pointed as the culprit and I wasn’t able to provide evidence that it wasn’t me. It was a case of hearsay.

They presented me papers that accused me of what I had supposedly done and the 6 years I spent with the company flashed through my head. Why would I do it? Why would I put my job on the line?

I deactivated my Facebook and Instagram but have logged back into Facebook to delete people who were still with the company. Why? I just wanted to cut ties with them. I want to rant but I don’t know how. I want to talk about it but I don’t want to break down.

I thought about my clients. I was in the middle of creating a task to get our designers to do an initial design of a homepage. I was trying to rush through it because I had another task to for another client for another initial design. I was thinking, “Shit, I need to stay after my shift ends to do this.”

I thought about a client that I’d been working with for over a year, and how we had built a couple of modules for her website from scratch and if things went well, we would have built something that could potentially bring in more clients looking for the same thing. I thought about how I still had 8 unread emails and how I was going to dedicate one full day to focus on her requests and emails.

I thought about my visit to an old colleague the day before, telling her that the company was doing really well and that I was doing okay there despite losing a seat on the floor and carrying around a laptop. How the company was growing and that there was an upcoming out-of-town trip to celebrate Christmas and it was an all-expense paid trip. I was even worried about how I was going to get there because we had just sold the pick-up truck.

I got home, tried to open up a frozen tetra pack of chocolate milk with my teeth and ended up chipping a front tooth. I thought, “Great, I already lost my job, now I lost a part of my tooth.”

And then I told myself it wasn’t the end of the world. That maybe these things happen for a reason. I started looking for a job online. In the past, after resigning from a job, I would give myself a month or two before looking for a job but I needed another job now. I sent out a few applications online. It’s the worse time to be looking for a job. And it was a Friday.

I had just bought a DJI Spark, albeit on installments. I think I need to sell it; I’ve only flown it once. I was going to fly it at the company trip to the beach. So that’s not happening.

I thought about the bills I had to pay, credit cards, mobile phone, good Lord, even my Netflix subscription.

I then thought about how I could do what I did before when I first left TDP. I could take my bike out again in the morning and ride to the pool.

Then I thought I could focus on my baking, find a place to sell my cupcakes. My work mates were awesome customers and they loved my cupcakes, maybe I just need to find customers who shared the same enthusiasm.

In the end, it’s going to be okay. I need to tell myself that. At 35 and without a job, I need to have some faith. The other day in the Loft area, an old lady sat next to me. She was an employee of the company, a writer and I thought how lucky she was to still be given a job despite her age. If she could do it, so could I.

Now that I’ve had sleep, the next thing I need to do is fix this tooth. And maybe once that is fixed, everything else will somehow fall into place.

 

 

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