Feels

I’ve finally felt something.

As I lie on my stomach, in front of this dimmed down yet bright screen, I realized that I have fallen in love with you. You warned me, I warned myself. Signs warned me. But it’s there and I can feel it.

These feelings were validated with a pair of running shoes. Pink in color, Adidas. I’ve never seen you wear them in person. You refused to try them on before purchasing them. Your pictures on Instagram though provided me with visuals of you wearing them in my head – of you running, going to gym, walking to the newly-opened cupcake store down the road and even trying to dance in them. A simple pair of running shoes.

I then thought, “Hey, this could work!” My head flies to lala-land filled with imagination of going on night runs together; my dirty, purple Merrells and your pink Adidas, pounding the roads, standing by the fishball stand or waiting for Manong Sorbetero to finish scooping out our ice cream at UP.

But again, you warned me, and I repeated that warning to myself. It’s complicated. It’s complicated. It’s. Complicated. You don’t want a relationship and I am scared to get into one with you. But as of late, something sparked a hope in me that I could be that person that would change your mind. And that we’d both ignore those warnings and just jump for it.

I’m vulnerable. I’ve always been. And even though I knew how vulnerable I was, I didn’t stop myself from this feeling. And even if the feeling isn’t mutual, the thought of you and me has been at the root of my thoughts.

And those shoes. Pink. Adidas. It’s complicated.

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