Walking through the mall today, I found myself muttering about the crowd and how there were so many people around. I spent most of my visit to Mall of Asia wiping the sweat that was running down my neck with a face towel, not really knowing what I was doing and why I was just wandering around. My main purpose was to go grocery shopping but I found myself easing my way through the crowd and onto the main mall. Going up and down, rummaging through clothes I wasn’t intending on buying. I was just there.
I hate going to the malls to ‘hang out’. Yet, that was what I was doing. When in the past, I would only go to the mall if I needed something, or I was meeting with someone; but never to just actually hang out. I walked around trying to answer that question of why I was hanging out rather than doing what I was meant to do.
Then I realise that my Sundays don’t mean a thing to me anymore. When Sundays used to be spent playing tennis or something active, and when even if Sundays weren’t spent indoors, you step out of your room, and you’ve got people there. When during Sundays, it wasn’t hard to find someone to catch up with or hang out with. Or a place you often hang out at, and the people there make you feel right at home. I used to be love Sundays and the fact that I could sleep in and actually relax. I looked forward to seeing my friends… They were my family.
I don’t want to create another ‘I feel sorry for myself’ post. And sad to say, this is turning into another one of those.
I would rather go to work than have my Sundays. Yes, it does give me time to do grocery, scrub the shower, stay awake without worrying about sleep and that I have to wake up later to go to work. But it doesn’t cut it anymore.
I am lonely.