Supposedly, in a few hours, I would’ve been making my way to the airport to catch my 8am flight bound for Sydney then Manila.

Supposedly tonight, I would most probably be trying my best to get my niece to actually let me hold her whilst she runs away screaming, “ABBY! ABBY!” (she can’t say Aubrey…and so hence ‘Abby’).

Supposedly tonight, I would’ve been having dinner with my dad, stepmom, big brother, sister-in-law and niece at some restaurant eating good ol’ Filipino-style cooking.

Supposedly I would’ve bought a new local sim card and mass texted all my friends telling them I was home and making appointments with all sorts of people, trying to squeeze in as much time as possible with family and friends in a span of two weeks.

Supposedly this was all happening and I wasn’t sitting in front of this damn laptop, all my clothes spread out on the floor, unpacked, and I wasn’t writing this stupid-ass note feeling sorry for myself because Immigration NZ has been holding me prisoner in a country that I want to stay in, in a contradicting way.

Supposedly if I hadn’t fucked up in my application form for a new visa and stated that I had MS, or perhaps even tried to be honest in my application, I wouldn’t be feeling sorry for myself. Again.

But aside from all these ‘supposed’ things to happen, I am here. Meh.

So to all my friends who were expecting me to come home, to those I haven’t seen in a year or so. To my grandfather whom I won’t be seeing at his grave this year… To my friends who I said I was going to get them something cheap in the Philippines, and to my friends here in Auckland who are probably going to see me all drastic and bitchy and not-so-approachable in the next couple of days. Here’s the reason, and I’m sorry in advance.

Yes, I can be a drama-queen. I think that sums it all up.


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